Stephen Harper – Emergency Memo #3

Stevie

You need to step up your war chant. If you’re going to use the ISIS (or as I call them, the Repeating Passive Verb Gang, ha, ha) conflict to win over Canadian voters with a ‘patriotic’ stance, flying a few fighter jets over battle areas isn’t going to cut it. This is an issue you need to show real leadership on. Why not declare war on Syria and Libya (and that other African country), and put boots on the ground? If you call conscription before October 19th, the election is yours, otherwise Canadians aren’t going to take you seriously. Remember George Bush and Iraq. He got in there before anyone could say “what weapons of mass destruction?”

Pound the war drums loudly. People are angry about the thousands of refugees being chased from their homelands and ready to follow a guy like you who isn’t afraid to put his mouth where his money is. They want to make somebody pay for all the misery they’re seeing on TV, so you can win their votes by attacking Assole Basaraid (or whatever his name is) and the Islamic extremists at the same time.

This is another win-win situation. Call conscription (‘Jobs for Youth’), and offer to re-enlist those veterans dismissed from the forces. Get everybody hyped and they’ll forget the ‘R’ word. I’m sure I don’t have to remind you that a good, long war booms the economy and sets the oil industry humming.

Keep the faith,

Darwin Steed

Associate Speechwriter (cut rates to Reform-a-Tory candidates)

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