Stephen Harper – Emergency Memo #2

Stevie

Forget staying the course, it’s not working. You’ll have to think big, and you’ll have to go on the attack. What you don’t want are those enviro-wackos controlling the message. You have to put it on the line to Canadians. “You decide. If we want to boom the economy, you’ll have to choose between trees and oil. We have a country crammed with boreal trees, which aren’t even worth milling, and thousands of caribou, which only a few hunters shoot every year. Neither of which is putting Loonies in your pocket. So, do you want trees and caribou you’ll never see, or do you want to be able to drive to the mall?

Toronto has a massive Raccoon infestation. Ask yourself, Torontonians, where are they coming from? You guessed it, the boreal forest. Eliminate the boreal forest and you eliminate the Raccoon problem.

A Reform-a-Tory government would develop our North as God intended, one big Tar sand excavation from coast-to-coast, criss-crossed by millions of miles of pipeline, carrying Alberta crude to all parts of the world (just imagine a trans-Atlantic pipeline!). This would create thousands, possibly millions, of jobs, most employing Newfies who would move their families to Alberta, leaving Newfoundland empty to house thousands of refugees there. A win-win situation.

The facts of the matter are these: with climate change, and the Arctic ocean warming, new economic opportunities will be created for man to exploit our God-given resources—namely oil. Do the lib-socios have the imagination to come up with massive job creation plans like this? I don’t think so.”

And remember, Stevie, things always look blackest just before the bottom falls out and then they get light again.

Keep the faith,

Darwin Steed

Associate Speechwriter (special rates to Reform-a-Tory candidates)
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