To Stephen Harper – Emergency Memo #1

Stevie:

I can see the campaign’s not going well. You need to ramp up the rhetoric. I offer here (gratis) some slogans and quotes you might consider using in your speeches, commercials and interviews:
•Bravely defacing the environment to save our economy.
•If the 20th Century was good enough for our parents, it’s good enough for me.
•The facts of the matter are this: you do not need a healthy environment to have a thriving economy. Remember the thoughts of American Republic Candidate for President, Rick Santorum: “Man is more important than the environment.”

•Our children do not want clean water or clean air or Arboreal forests, they want oil and plenty of it!
•I’m right and Duffy is an ass. In the words of Richard Nixon, “I am not a crook, or a liar… or Richard Nixon.”
•The Reform-a-Tory Party of Canada is dedicated to a balanced budget and no government, which we have provided for the past 10 years.
•Climate change is just liberal and socialist imprudence.

•There are no McJobs, just McPeople.
•To boost the economy, a Reform-a-Tory government will provide every child with a five dollar gas coupon.

Finally, Steve, to bring your point home, quote George W. Bush as often as possible, especially with, “If you don’t stand for anything, you don’t stand for anything.”

Darwin Steed

Associate Speech Consultant & Scribe
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